houses.

We are looking for a house to buy.

Ever since we got married we always talked about buying our first home.  Well, maybe that was more me doing the talking and Chris listening while secretly thinking Yeah right, not anytime soon.

But as of six days ago, we are in the market of house-hunting.  It's exciting but I'm trying so hard to not be a cynic about it.  It's kind of weird but that's really the emotional battle that I'm finding myself dealing with.  I've longed for a house of my own for years.  All the friends gatherings we would host, holiday dinners with family, planting a garden.  Time and again, I have celebrated friends buying their first homes while fighting off feelings of jealousy.  I know that comparison is the thief of joy, but it can get messy when it's dangling right in front of you.  About two years ago when we first moved back to my hometown, we met with a mortgage company and got pre-approved for a decent-sized mortgage.  We half-seriously started to look around at homes with a real estate agent, knowing that we likely wouldn't be buying anything at the time.  Well, then I was shown THAT house.  The one with so many things on your checklist and you're already seeing your furniture in it with your kids running around in the backyard.  And I wanted it....so much. 

Well long story short, the bottom line is that we were not in a position where buying a house was financially responsible.  We ended up walking away before even thinking about making an offer and I was crushed.  I was well aware that it was just not the right time for us and that we had to focus on other financial goals first, but it didn't make the taste of reality less bitter.

But enough about that...we are finally in the process of looking for our first home and I am trying so hard to be as excited as I thought I would be.  We made our first offer on a home a couple days ago but it was out-bided by another buyer.  Chris and I are a middle class family faced with the challenge of wanting something that many other buyers want in a price range that will be very competitive.  I'm certain that it won't be the first home we get out-bided on.  Thus, I have been more of a cynic and refuse to get emotionally invested before I hear the words "Your offer was accepted".

I just want to be free to be excited and happy without fear that we will get out bided every time we make an offer or that something will happen during escrow.  It's such a struggle, sometimes hour by hour.

So our first offer was not accepted and we continue our search.  I am just so overjoyed at the thought of my girls finally having a back yard to play in.  If I want to paint my walls, then I can go paint my walls a new color.  Being free to remodel a bathroom or my kitchen because it's MY home and I can.  My years of HGTV obsession will be put to use as I design and decorate my home that I own and can do whatever I want to do with it.  I can hardly wait.  We are so ready!  Just have to keep my emotions under control until then.

this is a picture of the house we did not get...may its new owners have many happy years here.